How is it that we find ourselves making the same New Year’s resolutions year-after-year? What makes it so difficult to keep our promises to ourselves and achieve lasting change?
Psychotherapist and researcher, Peter Crowe explains, “Change demands that we step into the unknown, which raises anxieties. Add to that the frustration and dejection that set in when faced with our own inertia. We can easily become disheartened and lose faith in our ability to do things differently”.
However, he says, instead of giving up we need to shift the focus off our repeated failures and find some compassion for ourselves. “Compassion is a word we more often use when talking about other people, but we need more than strong will to effect real transformation.”
Harvard professor, Robert Kegan makes a distinction between technical, which entails gaining new skills and and resources, and transformative change which involves real lasting change in ourselves as people. Changing our lives requires a ‘being-change’, not just a ‘doing-change’.
Making a significant change can be tough on our own, yet when we push ourselves to change we often unwittingly challenge those around us. The same workmates, friends or siblings we turn to for help, may also be the people who have a strong desire to see things remain the same.
Peter agrees, “Others mean well, but can be part of the problem. If we want to understand what’s holding us back, it’s worth finding someone independent of our social systems to help us.”
On March 7, Peter will be addressing these issues in a workshop that looks at what holds us back when we attempt to do things differently and alter the direction of our lives. It explores the often unconscious commitments we make that maintain the status quo and offers practical strategies for overcoming our resistance to change.
For more information contact Peter on 01392 966845.