Couples counselling

I work with couples from a range of backgrounds and orientations. In our work together, I seek to deepen awareness of each partner's capacity for intimacy and separateness, and explore the impact of any unconscious constraints on the relationship as a whole.

We will work to clarify identified conflicts and help to strengthen both partner's autonomy and communication skills. All couples argue, however often the trick is to agree rules about how to keep our disagreements safe. When we do that, the energy created during arguments can be used to draw a couple together instead of driving them apart. It is when we’re at our most tested that we need to find the courage to listen from the heart…and hold onto our sense of humour!

Maintaining a vibrant relationship takes some work. A strong couple needs not only to offer a nurturing frame for family and friends, but also to support each other in growing and realising their individual potential. However it's one thing to do that when there is just the two of you, quite another in the face of competing demands of time, distance, work, money, kids, parents and friends.

Any combination of these can put a strain on a relationship. It can be difficult to find time even to talk, and when talking dissolves into quarrelling, it is easy to lose sight of our love for our partner.

Petty niggles, irritations and resentments cannot remain buried forever or else partners become increasingly indifferent, living 'in parallel', but with little genuine connection. Excrutiating stagnation is frequently endured for the sake of the peace/children/finances. Yet instead, couples might choose to work though conflicts to re-energise their passion and keep love alive.

I counsel couples in 'getting real' while exploring their frustrations in safety. With good-natured encouragement, partners learn to negotiate their needs, argue safely and grow together toward authentic emotional and physical intimacy.