Couples counselling

I work with couples from a variety of backgrounds, genders and orientations. I offer a safe, inclusive and open space in which we can deepen our awareness of each partner's capacity for intimacy and difference. In our work together, we will explore early patterns of both closeness and separation, and the impact of historical constraints on the relationship as a whole.

"Love is the extremely difficult realization that someone other than oneself is real"   Iris Murdoch

In our sessions together, we will attempt to clarify conflicts and help strengthen each partner's autonomy and communication skills. All couples argue, however often it is important to agree rules about how to keep our disagreements safe. Once we do that, we can redirect the energy created during arguments towards drawing the couple together, rather than driving them apart. It is when we are at our most tested that we need to find the courage to listen from the heart… and remember our sense of humour!

Maintaining a vibrant relationship takes work. A strong couple must not only offer a nurturing frame of security and love, but also support each partner in the development and realisation of their potential. This is hard enough to do that when there is just the two of you, yet quite another in the face of competing demands of time, distance, work, money, kids, parents and friends.

Any combination of these can put pressure on a relationship. It can be difficult even to find the time to talk, and when talking dissolves into quarrelling, it is easy to lose sight of our love for our partner.

Petty niggles, irritations and resentments cannot remain buried forever or else partners become increasingly indifferent, living 'in parallel', but with little genuine connection. Excrutiating stagnation is frequently endured for the sake of the peace, children and/or finances. Yet, who couples choose to work though these conflicts can instead re-energise their passion and keep love alive.

I counsel couples to 'get real' while exploring their frustrations in safety. With good-natured encouragement, partners learn to negotiate their needs, argue safely and grow together toward authentic emotional and physical intimacy.